What is wrong with you women

Written by Robert Perez:


What is wrong with you women???

For real, are you all just out there to confuse men with your indecisiveness? Or is this just a full on plot by the women uprising to drive men insane so that you all can send us to the mental ward? Lets be honest here, there is something going on that you all are not saying just for the pure enjoyment and satisfaction as you watch us go into a total brain meltdown.

A selected few of you know that I am a father (shocking eh?) of two beautiful girls. Even less of you know that my oldest got her thingy thing back in February which now makes her a woman in training. Well the last time I had both of them my oldest had her thingy thing for the second time. We had a full day planned out and as I was pushing them out the door (damn distractions) I asked K if she needed to change before we drive off. As it turns out she left her mom’s without any backup and I’ve been is such a situation that left me in total terror. There is nothing worse in the world for a father to ask your 13 year old daughter such questions about female hygiene…even more so when you only know the basics but cant really teach her what to do with…that…uh….stuff (shut up). So now I had to head out to the store and get some not only for her but to keep at the house and in the car (never can be to safe…right?). As we get to the store I find the isle where they keep the aunt flow products. I took one look at the wall of confusion and I could have sworn that my heart ripped itself out from my chest and hauled ass out of the store and waited for me in the car. I should have ran after it. I looked at my K and asked her to grab the one she uses. What to know the response I got back was?

“it’s the one in a little pink wrapper”

“Uh…what?”

“Yeah, she gives me these little pink square bags”

What kind of answer is that? For real now…how they hell am I supposed to know which one of these 100s of brand names come in a little pink wrapper? So I called me ex and asked her what does she buy and give K. She laughs and said “just buy the ones that say maxi pads. I gotta go, bye”

WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!

“I think your mother did this to me on purpose…”

K and Y (shut the hell up pervs) both have this evil ass smile and giggles the rest of the time. I knew I was on my own for this one. Ever taken a kid to a candy store and they have this huge wall with thousands and thousands of different kind of candy and you tell them they can over pick one but they have two minutes to decide? If you have then you can remember the look of panic in their eyes as they start hyperventilating trying to makeup their minds of what to pick…yeah that was me, but add terror, confusion and embarrassment as I am standing there trying to figure out which one is the best one for her. WHY the hell do you have some many gawd damn different kinds of freakin pads that come in different shape, size, thickness, fragrances and activities? When I finally picked one I looked at it and the damn thing says its for night time use….THEY MAKE THEM FOR DIFFERENT TIMES OF THE DAY?!?!?!?!?! Don’t they all do the same thing? After I saw that I was just ready to say fuck it and rip open each pack and ask K if any of them look like the one her mother gives her. After 20 minutes of standing there and feeling my brain melt and drain out my ears I finally picked one and we left for the movies.

Guess what….neither one of my girls had pockets or a purse…I ended up having a few in my pockets for the rest of the day…I don’t mind doing it because its for my child but man…it was uncomfortable. Every time K went to use the restroom I had to ask her if she needed one. Talk about uncomfortable situations…at least I didn’t accidentally pull one out thinking it was my wallet as I went to pay for something. That would have been the cherry on top for every woman around us. I’m sure I would have been so embarrassed that I would have glowed in the dark.

When the day finally came to an end I took them to my girlfriends to play with her daughter (they consider each other sisters), K talked to my girlfriend about her day and to sum up the awesomeness of the loving and caring fatherly actions that most dads would most likely pass on, she ended it with “and he got the real big ones too, not the thin ones my mom has”

I cant win…